One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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