p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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