You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize