She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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