I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
