i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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