your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
