so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
