What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
