Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
