I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
