I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
