I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
