I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
