I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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