If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love having hate sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
