Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
