dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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