so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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