He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
