If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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