Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
