Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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