do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
