You really coming over, don't trick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
