if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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