i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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