Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
