I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
