Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
