how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
