whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm having to shit out rocks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
