Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
