I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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