Do you still have your period?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
