cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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