I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
