you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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