Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
