grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
