My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
