u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
