Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
