and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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