Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
