Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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