you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize