Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
