He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Everclear isn't food dammit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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