She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
