I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
