I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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