the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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