I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
