I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
