why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
