Me too!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
