i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
