is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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