How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
