she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
