One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
