she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
