I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
