I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I could make wine with my vomit
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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