On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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