Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my liver is dry heaving
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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