That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
