if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did i just pee glitter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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