i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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