i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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