tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
