i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
