I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
