He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
