I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
