My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
