Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
