Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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